We were lost in the depths of what was supposedly our future, which was, disappointingly, black and never-ending. Despite the darkness that seemed to creep in every infinite direction, I could still see myself, like the night couldn't stain my body. A secret slipped into the front of my head. A place where darkness couldn't touch me... there are no thoughts here... Though, I couldn't exactly imply "we". My enemy; it came to me that I needed to find my enemy. The blurry figure that fell into this abyss along my side.My enemy is the reason I am stuck in this disgusting dream.
I run. I run and feel that I may be lead to my enemy. Time passes, and all I have done is run. I've ran and ran into the darkness rashly, in hopes of a miraculous lead. Yet, I am not exhausted, so I just run. I can't remember anything. This place blocks my thoughts from my own realization; the only activation of my actions is unconscious instinct. The air is light and thin, but I manage to take it in easily without much notice. More words materialize from nothing and whip across my mind's eye: My enemy is near... I must destroy it... the world will aid my search... find my enemy... This blank dark dreamland feels like nothing more than a dream itself. Any moment I should wake up and be back in my own world, but.... where was my own world?
What's hurting me? Why do I hurt?
Why am I so hurting to hurt?
A dizzy spell falls over me, and I reach out for something, anything, to steady me, but I collapse to the ground in a heap, panting. A cold sweat begins to slowly form over my skin. Why couldn't I remember anything? Why wasn't I able to recall any memories of who I am, or why I'm here, or where I came from? A panicked cry is released from my lips. Why couldn't I remember if I was loved or not?
I lay there all alone in the darkness, shivering and feeling nothing but a cold chill. No matter how much I tried to push into my thoughts, I ended up hitting an invisible stone wall. After what felt like forever, I hear more words. You need to find your enemy... your enemy is out there... the dream will aid you... unlimited... Like a force that could move me, I rose and wiped away my tears that had formed at the edge of my eyes. If I could find my enemy, then maybe I could remember who I was, and why I was here. My motivation was the single hope of finding myself in this barren world.
Forever seems to pass by rapidly; my search has seemed to have gotten me nowhere, and I have lost all sense of feel in my body. I'm exhausted, I want to say, but yet I don't. I can't. This dream promised me a sense of fulness and exuberance, and it was by my side this whole time. No, I can't be tired. It must be an illusion of my mind, or a dream within a dream.
Oh, it hurts, the pain's so bad
Why does it hurt so bad as this?
A solitary flicker of emotion tickles me senses. If my hands are cold, then this piece of emotion is unknown. It feels cold, and dark. And afraid. It makes me tremble uncontrollably. This evil... it's trying to drown me in sins! "Get away!" I shriek and crouch on my knees while clutching my head tightly. "GET AWAY!" Tears stream down my cheeks, and I sob. There's only silence, and I feel this emotion come on me even more. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" I manage between sobs. I lay down cautiously after several minutes of screaming and manage to calm down a little after holding myself. I realize something then: why was I crying out for someone when I knew that there was no one out there? The question lingered in the atmosphere around me, but faded away with a shake of my head. It wasn't my position to question my actions. Get up... get up and keep looking... the idea hissed at me. I tried to... but I just felt so tired. Get up! Get up! it spoke now, forcefully, and without any of it's previous encouragement, but I can now feel my eyes fall heavily.
I'm flying. At least, I might be flying. I feel no ground, but I can't feel any air that should fly past me. Nor do I feel like I'm moving. How boring this must be; yet, I feel another emotion, like curiosity and fear as well as something else I can't explain, all mixed together. There's another feeling, too. A numbness, a blind spot, or just confinement. It feels strange. I can't tell what color this world is, like the feeling when I close my eyes.
"I haven't seen you in a while." a voice says. I don't feel surprised or bother turning around to see the person behind me.
"Yah, well, I've been busy." I don't bother to notice that I'm speaking so comfortably to a person I don't remember knowing. I hear the person snort.
"Really. With what?" I shrug.
"Things..." The voice is quiet. We continue on whatever it is we are doing.
Ah, I want to tell you how much it hurts
I want you to be the only one to know
"It's boring with you not around me. I''m nothing without you, you know." I sigh.
"Is that all you want?" I can't hide the annoyance in my words. "You want me to entertain you all the time?" The person behind me laughs.
"Come on now, you know you were bored without me too. I'm the only one who talks to you." I don't know how to answer that. I can sense the person moved in front of me, but I can't see them. "If your bored, why didn't you call me?" For the first time as long as I can remember, I feel scared. Their faces is inches from mine. "By the way," I feel the person's body shifting "you left this with me last time." By eyes snap open, and a pale, slender arm holds a pair of gleaming, silver scissors with two fingers. Those scissors were intriguing; I never saw them before, yet I reached out to grab them, enchanted. Before I could grasp them, and arm threw them off into the unknown color.
By the time I see a color, I realize that I have awoken from whatever it was I saw. I'm standing upright now, and I see a figure in the far distance. Why were they in my dream? Though to be honest, I couldn't really tell what was a dream and what wasn't by now. The figure shifts a bit, and I take after it. I call out rashly. "Wait!" I cry. I finally catch up, but by then it is gone. Was this the enemy I was warned of? Frustrated, I toss my head backwards. I needed help, but I felt displeased with the idea that spoke words of useless motivation to me. I turn around, and to my surprise, there stands the figure. It's heigh seems to average out with mine, and they have a pale hand held up with the palm facing me. I don't feel surprised, though I feel like I should. The figure stands as still as they were to begin with, and I feel obliged to hold my hand up to theirs. I do.
Startled, I tumble to the ground, a sense of remembrance that came from the bolt where our hands hovered over each other. Thing come to me and hurt me strait on. The intriguing sins that drew me to this person grew, and I began to feel familiarity to this person that stood in front of me. This person who spoke only to me, who brought me with them, and who I grew to love and hate together. Our sins committed together made others dispose us, but we didn't feel like it was any of our business. If I'm correct, we were loved by no others than each other. I hated you because people considered me insane and left me alone since I talked you you, but I loved you because you were all I had.
Oh it's awful, so very awful
Why does it feel so bad as this?
The figure stands over me, looking down towards me in pity. "I did tell you everyday, didn't I? I was nothing without you?" I struggle not to cry. The figure crouches down onto their knees so their face is level with mine. "Why did you make me disappear?"
"You are nothing more than imaginary junk." I spat, refusing to make any eye contact. Now I was wishing for the idea to come in and help me. "I never loved you to begin with, a-and I don't know why you keep lingering around me." I feel all this foreign anger boil up inside of me, and I begin to cry a little. "People thought I was crazy because I spoke to you! They were too scared to try to help me! You influenced me to do all these things that made people hate me more! Do you think I would talk to you if I knew people would isolate me and treat me bad? Did you really think you made me happy?" I gasp for air between sentences. "IT'S JUST THAT I HATE YOU AND I WISH YOU WOULD GO AWAY!" It's very quiet afterwards. "I see." it says plainly. "Well, I'm sorry about that, but I don't think that will do." Slowly, I begin to look up, and then I freeze when I get a look at this person. The person was sliced open with tiny slits that looked like paper cut wounds, but each slit was leaking mercilessly with blood.
Yes, I was the one who did it
Yes, I've wounded myself
They laugh at me, though I don't know why. "You see, you can't hate me." The air is still around us, and it makes me scared. This person must be my enemy. I haven't felt this hurt before, and this must be the enemy's doing! "When I said I am nothing without you, I meant it in a literal term. You see, I am you."
I lay their in my crouched position with my hands still over my head. I want to hurt myself now. I don't really know why, but I feel angry and I want to hurt myself right now. If I knew that I would be facing an enemy that was part of me, wouldn't that be the same as suicide? I muster my strength and stand. If this was suicide, I might as well die with whatever pride I had. The figure watches me, amused.
"You're going to kill me slowly, aren't you? You hate me so much that you want revenge?" I guess. The figure shakes their head.
"On the contrary. I'm killing you slowly because I love you." Its response surprises me, and I can't think of anything else to say. "While I kill you, you will realize that what you've been doing was wrong, and maybe you will be granted forgiveness and reborn." It looked away in thought, as if considering it's options, but then looks back at me. "We'll be together again someday."
It takes one hand and places it on my shoulder and grips it tightly; I struggle and whimper underneath its iron grip, but the hand won't budge at all. Finally, after loosing circulation to my left arm, it shoves me down with one hand, and I hit the ground hard. Blinding white pain flashes in front of my eyes. When the spots fade away, I look up and see- supposedly- "myself" glaring at me with no emotion.
It goes away naturally when I leave it be
but this pain keeps coming back
"Are you just going to sit there and do nothing?" It asks, sounding both bored and insulting.
"What do you mean?" This enemy is nothing more than playing tricks on my myself is what I try to convince myself.
"You said you hated me." It replies simply. "I hurt you. Why don't you hurt me back? Isn't it what everyone should do?" To be honest, I don't really know anything right now, so I was vulnerable to my own instinct. But hurting this enemy... it felt... wrong. I understood that this is the one person in this world that I hate and deserves to die, and they have hurt me too much, but I just couldn't try to hurt it. The figure looms over me as it waits for my response. When I don't, it shakes its head and pulls me to my feet by the collar of my shirt. It's right there when I realize I'm actually wearing clothing, which happens to be a school uniform. To one, one probably would feel weak at the hands of my enemy, but I didn't. Finding out I wore a school uniform almost promised me that I had an identity in some world. I can feel a diminutive smile quietly spread across my face.
My enemy senses that I am beginning to find myself in this brief moment and smiles. This smile is different though. It's gentle and has a warm aurora, and I begin to feel a warm, tickling feeling inside of me. To my dismay, it actually feels nice. Her grip loosens, and I can breath easily now.
"Now do you see how I try to help you? I've been staying with you for a while while you were trying to discover yourself. You've been trying for quite some time now. Do you really want to stop there?"
The first sign of revival reaches me. A light, a savior. A memory. I reach out to grab it, and the light slips between my fingers and is placed firmly in my hand. I squeeze it.
The day is warm. I feel warm and happy as a cool breeze sweeps over the grassy hills of my home. Comfy-looking clouds drift over the blue sky, casting giant shadows over the fields as they pass under the sun. The grass gently rustles in the breeze, and it fills my ears with their sweet music. I'm lying next to another person I feel like I should remember, but I can remember that we are I'm in my school uniform with my head nestled in the grass; beams of light gently stroke my cheek, and I can't feel any happier than I am now.
I'm in the middle of a conversation with this person when I look up and see my enemy standing feet away from me. I prompt myself upon my elbows. "What are you doing here?" I forcefully. It doesn't answer. I ask again. The person next to me sits up and asks what's wrong, but I ignore them. It glances from the person at my side then to me, and back to them, and me again, and so on. It says "I'll get rid of him." My eyes bulge out of my head. "Huh?!?" I cry. The clouds completely cover the sun, and the land around me gets ominously darker.. The person at my side looks over at me with concern. "He's a distraction to you. You need to get rid of him. I'd be honored to do it for you." I'm shaking rapidly now; I've seen how it gets rid of people for me, and I didn't want this to happen to him. I scream "Why can't you just leave the people I love alone?!" with teary eyes. I know it ca sense my fear for it.
Yes, I hurt to know
Why did I let you leave and fade away?
"Leave me alone! Just go away and leave me and everyone else alone!" My head lays on my knees, and I'm now sobbing hysterically. I lay like that for quite some time as I try to calm myself and canalize the scenario. When I finally look up, the figure is gone, and so is the boy by my side. Frantically, I stand up and turn in every direction in hopes of trying to find him, but it's hopeless; he's gone.
"What a pity. I was going to get him away for you." I whirl around and the figure is standing behind me. More dark clouds cover the sky, and it begins to feel like an eclipse. "You scared him away all by yourself." Feeling of hate begin to boil inside of me, a familiar feeling or dread I have gotten use to by now. "You CAN'T leave me alone these days, can't you?" I growled. My fists are clenched so tight that I can hardly feel them anymore. It refuses to answer my question. "You're going to continue keeping these people away from you as long as I'm around. You should just listen to me and stop bothering them and yourself and give up. It would save both of us a whole lot of trouble." Finally, I just can't take it anymore, and I swing my clenched fists hard at their face, but something beats me to her. A sharp, clean pain enters through my stomach when my fist hovers inches from it's. After a beat, I look down and see a silver pair of scissors halfway into my stomach, smothered with blood. I'm too terrified to scream, but I'm gaping. Dripping with blood and sweat, I fall the ground, and the grass around me begins to turn red with this blood. The moments that had occurred previously felt like they occurred such a long time ago. I look up with my hands grasped around my waist and I see it looking down at me with the same, emotionless face. "Is this your idea of keeping me with you?" I huff. It feels almost impossible now to catch any breath. Before I black out, I glance up at it one more time for a response. "Well, not exactly..."
When I close my eyes all I know
are the things I cannot see
The memory churls in my head like cold milk. I'm panicking, and I begin to feel scared and dizzy. The figure is still there, with a loose hand on my shoulder, and we are both standing in the midst of this dream. The words finally come out, but only as a whisper. "Did you.... kill me?" I'm horrified to learn the answer, but I still want to know what I am.
"What in the world are you talking about? Of course I didn't." it spits, but I don't accept its answer. It makes sense! It makes complete sense! I thrash at her from underneath her grip, but she holds me steadily.
"You killed me! I'm dead right now, aren't I?" I shriek. "You killed me so I could stop talking to everyone else, and you could have me all to yourself! If you're part of me, then you would die along with me, and now we are stuck here forever, right?" My voices rises and I challenge her to respond. "You're jealous enough to kill, and you are completely enjoying all this. You're making me a madman, for goodness's sake. A wretched MADMAN! Wasn't that torture enough? What can I do to get through to you that I hate you?! WHAT?!?"
My echo bounces from the edges of the infinite dream world, but is otherwise silent. We stand there with her hand still on my shoulder, and I'm panting from my long soliloquy. The figure just stands there, considering its options. Finally, with a hard push, it shoves me to the ground, and the pain shoots throughout my body.
"If you want me to leave you alone, then maybe I will kill you right now." Startled, I stand up, but the figure has already began to attack. From her hands materializes four, white outlined shards about as thick as my waist. When did this figure have such power? She waves her hand, and they shoot forward and attempt to slice me open. I manage to dodge them. Why was I avoiding this? I'm already dead, aren't I? It can't do anything to me, can it? Where was the idea that would speak to me? Why wouldn't it help me escape?
It hit me then. Of course the dream wouldn't help me. We were set up. In order to entertain the dream, it tried to change my memory to try to make me hate it. Were all these moments and memories tampered with? If this was the case... it means I'm still alive, and that it didn't kill me.
I have to tell it, and apologize for accusing it. Maybe it was never as cruel as I thought. I cry out "Wait!" trying to get it's attention, but it wouldn't stop."Stop it! Listen to me!" It materializes some more of those sketchy shards, and the shoot forward again. It looks at me with eyes of... hatred? "Wait-" and then one shard stabs me right through my body.
I don't realize that I've been stabbed until I look down and see a giant shard sticking out of my belly. The pain is, surprisingly, not as painful as I expected a knife-like, but I feel woozy and drop to the ground, my eyes close. The shard breaks up and dissolves into sand at my feet. It begins to walk to me; I open my eyes faintly, and they kneeling over me with those silver scissors in its right hand. The hang over my chest, ready to strike. I reach out my hand and touch their own hand, and I look it in the eye.
When the end comes, I want to live
So I can still suffer for you
"I love you."
The figure pauses, and looks at me as if they don't believe me. So I say it again.
"I love you." It looks at me as if I need to explain it more. "You can be a... horrible person a lot of times, b-but I believe you truly are a good person. I can't really blame some of your actions, because I know you did it because you... loved me." I can't really understand these emotions that hide inside of me, but I think they should be placed out there.
It lets me go, an I jump up and hug them. I begin to cry a little. "I needed to remind myself that I loved you. I'm sorry that I hurt you..." For the first time in what feels like forever, I begin to feel comfort and warmth just by being with this person. They don't say anything, but we sit their, my arms around it's shoulders.
I'm blinded by the first sight of light that cracks through the dark dreamworld. It cracks, and then shatters at our feet. We were standing in a blue sky filled with those familiar white clouds I so longed to see. The figure in my hand grasps my shirt, and I hug them tighter.
"We'll meet again." It whispers. I jump up startled, and before I can actually get a decent look at them, it breaks up into small pieces or torn-up black, and they fly away into the sky. I stand up.
I'm all alone in this beautiful sky. One would normally feel lonely, but I was comforted by their last words that danced in my mind. My new first thought.
"I love you, too."